no idea

We are taking a break. I don't know for how long but I hate that I can't talk to her anymore. I hate not being able to see her at all. I hate not having her with me. I haven't this hollow in such a long time. I know I am just being selfish but I can't help it. I can't stop crying randomly. I even missed class so I could cry freely, and i'm thinking of missing class tomorrow and I just feel hopeless. I need help but time won't allow me to get help. I'm tired. I m really tired and I can't ask her to stay by me and give me constant motivation because it must be so draining. I think this is the best option for now, to take a break but i really wished it didn't have to come to this. I feel worse, I feel like I can't talk to anyone, I feel like I don't belong here. I am even starting to feel like maybe getting in to the AU was  a mistake and we were never meant to meet. I still think she is better off without me, I know she would say the opposite. But i can't help but think she would be so much happier not being trapped in a relationship with a person like me. I love her so much which makes all of this hurts even more to say. I wish all of this didn't come back to me right now. I wish the memories didn't come back at all. All remembering has done to me is lose things. I don't want to lose the self lvoe I had already worked so hard to build up. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose my friends because of my distanced nature right now. I just don't want to remember.
But oh well I am dealing with it right now