I am not feeling like myself lately. I have not laughed in a while, I have not even talked to people in a while. I haven't had a real conversation since the beginning of August. I am doing bad again. The first sign should have been the fact that I didn't cry when my parents dropped me off in my dorm. I didn't even cry the first night I was here on my own.
The second sign should have been that I made no attempt to go to the activities my university was offering. Like the breakfast/meet up at Doyle Hall or the REC fest. Why? I didn't want to interact with anyone.
Third sign. I am skipping meals. Not because I want to, heck I know it's bad for my health. But some days I just don't feel like getting up to eat. I don't crave food at times at all. My stomach doesn't grumble anymore.
Fourth sign, I don't want to talk with anyone. I am content being alone. I've spent the past 4 days alone in my dorm. I didn't feel bad either. I wasn't craving to talk to anyone. The only people I talked to were my parents. Slowly I've noticed that I haven't even been replying to my messages. I just wanted(want) to be alone.
Today the wave of emotions hit me, I am not okay. I am on the verge of losing my mind and I don't have a private place to go. I don't have a place where I can cry on my own without anyone asking if I am okay. I can't talk about to my roommate and I can't talk about to my best friends because they have their own things to worry about. I can't talk about it to anyone, because of all of this I haven't made new friends. This is the first time I have to deal with my emotions and i'm not sure how I can handle them in this environment. Everyday it's getting harder for me to keep things under the rug.
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