loser era (kind of?)

So it's been a month or two since I've initially found out that I was not accepted into the master's program that I had applied for. Initially I got the email before the date of the deadline, which threw me off. I contacted the advisor to confirm my denial was accurate. They said yes and to contact another person from the department to ask the reasoning behind their decision. Honestly I was scared to reach out but I was scared of not knowing what exactly took me out as a candidate. Weeks passed until I finally decided to ask, and yeah it was my GPA!!! I had a sinking feeling my GPA was going to be an obstacle in this process. 

I was sort of felt relived that it was only my GPA, but also bummed that it was still a major obstacle. Even if they look at my last few semesters. That's where my lower grades reside in. It made sense considering it was the year 2020 and 2021 lol, but whatever it's in the past. I felt weird telling my parents and my bosses at work about it. I spoke to my counselor and I cried about it. Thankfully, I did there. When I told my mom yesterday she said "Oh I guess they didn't want you. You can tell your bosses you're just not thinking about a masters anymore" okay?? I know she has a weird way of saying things, but yeah honestly I did feel like crying. She also mentioned "oh well I guess you weren't good enough" which is something I always end up telling myself when I feel down. It did not feel good hearing it out loud. 

These past few months I feel like there have been a lot of inconveniences. First getting sick twice in the span of several weeks. One time with a mild case of bronchitis the other with covid. This almost made me miss my best friends wedding but thankfully I was good by the time her day rolled around! Then it was m violin. I went to get it repaired. Went out with my gemini friend to an edm club night and once I came back the bottom part was snapped off. I still need to get it fixed again lol. That was the unlucky day where I already had strange feelings festering up, that when I saw my violin in that state i broke down crying.  During the club night I felt like I was disassociating, It was such a good time with gemini girl. But towards the end I felt myself withdrawing. It was too god to be true. I felt like I didnt deserve a good night. At the end I was left feeling terrible by the time I went to sleep. Then yeah my phone broke completely and I had to shelve out money for a phone that I think was accidentally overcharged> I could not dispute it because I did not have a receipt. So yeah a lot small things have happened??

But a lot of good things have also happened.

Throughout this time I've gotten to know gemini girl better. I started reading new books! Started talking to my other uni friends more! We had a good online hang out session where we just spoke about superheroes, and another one where we did escape text games. I love moments like these. 

But yeah the whole masters program thing definitely was a big hit but I can try again at my former school! I like to think of this as my ball boy era. Hinata had to face so many rejections despite wanting to advance so much. Despite his efforts and wishes he just wasn't good enough and things didn't work out in his favor, but he fought through it all to earn himself a spot. His story continues to inspire me. This is just a small set back but I'll continue to work towards my goal like he does! I admire his strength and persistence and pure pure optimism. I hope to reach the same heights as him ( a fictional character lol), and I hope to not give up on myself despite what others think. I will do this !!!