I Lied,

My first big crush wasn't Andy from 6th grade.

My first big crush was Gladys from 5th grade.

I like to pretend it never happened.
Nothing really happened honestly.
We talked hours on end outside of her apartment.
She went to my house to listen to music.
We obsessed over 'Tokio Hotel', and 'Paramore'.
We sat together in Science class.

But I lied,
I said I was first devastated
when I found out Andy started dating Guadalupe
(can't believe I remember her name).
My first devastation was when
Gladys told me her crush was Osvaldo
(can't believe I remember his name)

It was the first time I forced a fake smile to my face.
It was the first time I cried over a crush in my room at night.

Every time she talked about how dreamy his eyes were,
my stomach would turn,
I would feel a small amount of self doubt
I didn't want to cry in front of her.

I figured the best solution was to instead encourage her to get closer to her crush.
If they dated that would be the end of it.

My crush would diminish over time as their bond grew stronger.
But it never happened.

My second devastation wasn't when
my 3rd mini crush told me I was "fucking ugly"
in 7th grade.
It was when Gladys and I grew apart in 8th grade.
It was when the after school talks stopped,
It was when she stopped telling me secrets.
It was when she stopped going to my house.
It was when she would stop grabbing my hand at the most random times.
It was when I suddenly stopped seeing her often in the middle school hallways.
It was when I stopped listening to the song "The Only Exception"

I had a lot of mini crushes since Pre-K
but Gladys was the first person
my heart would skip a beat for.
She was the first person I always wanted to impress.
I would make the extra effort to listen to all the music she listened to,
Especially Tokio Hotel.
I even made my first lyric video on one of their songs on my first Youtube channel
(that sadly got deleted (Yes I am still mad about my channel being deleted by youtube due to copyright claims))
She was the reason why I attempted to write poetry
(this is not a poem btw)
The reason why I started reading more books.
I tried to love the things she had an everlasting passion for
Because her passion towards these things was truly a breathtaking thing to listen
to her talk about.
I remember the way her eyes would just radiate with joy when she talked about her new
favorite song, poem, movie, or book.

I never told this to anyone at the time.
But Jael noticed, either because he liked the idea of "girlongirl" action
or because he actually saw the way my mood elevated instantly when she was around.
I never told this to anyone later on.
But Lesly managed to see the truth, either because she wanted to know something about me that nobody else did
Or because she saw the way I talked about my friendship with Gladys in middle school.
I never told anyone, but they noticed.

So yeah I lied,
My first Scorpio love wasn't Andy,
it was Gladys.

So I found the first lyric video in my laptop!!! Here it is :)