Today was my last day of high school. Today is the day I realized I need to change. In college I will not be the quiet person that sits in the back of the classroom, like I described myself in my scrapbook. I will ask questions. I will make myself be noticed. Today my old English III teacher said to geek dude "Your letter of recommendation was so easy to write about, for other students I really have to dig down the barrel. I mean they show up? But other than that I can't write about them." I realized I was that student, the ones teachers can't write about. My quiet nature is not memorable, I need to become more outgoing in the future, or else I will be forgotten in less than a year. Most of my teachers forget my name, and I don't blame them they have to teach hundreds of students every year. But it always feels terrible when my fellow classmates are so easily remembered without struggle.
I want to read back on this in a year and be happy that I have finally made improvement. I don't want to read this in a year and be disappointed at the fact that I have not changed.
I will make another list for college goals to accomplish, just like I did for high school.
I can proudly say I have completed every goal I set out for high school, but now I need a new one.
My List of Things to Accomplish:
-Join Organizations
-Do volunteering project
-Go on camping trips every time you get a chance
-Become closer to God
-Don't fall into temptation so easily
-Become more outgoing
-Ask questions to professors
-Study (Actually study)
-Be Social, don't sit in the back waiting for things to happen.
-Don't get discouraged easily, everyone has setbacks (They are not permanent).
I will do this
Thursday, May 25, 2017
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Cough Syrup 10/07/16 (Senior year)
Sorry but I forgot what happened on this day (school day). I know the concert was on Friday. Me and geek dude bought the ticket three days prior to the actual concert day. Mind you I do not listen to Ra Ra Riot or Young the Giant so I was not dying to see them (geek dude was) on Friday. I was happy at the fact that I was going to my second concert (First one La Dispute). When Friday rolled around it fully hit me I was going to a concert so I got extremely excited. I could not believe that my parents actually let me go on this concert on such a short notice. Especially for a concert that starts at 8pm. I was even close to not asking them because I was sure they were not going to let me go. Anyways
Geek dude and me listened to some of their songs so I could at least recognize some at the concert. School ended, I went home.
7pm came around and I was ready to go to the concert with Geek dude. We arrived, and the line was already big for the entry pass. Luckily the line didn't take too long. Then we saw another line to what we thought was the staircase leading to the balcony section. Ten minutes later I realized we were waiting in the Merch line (merch store was right besides staircase). I told him this and we went upstairs to sit in our balcony seats. I know seats restrict the concert experience but me being short I could not be in the open bottom floor because I would have not been able to see anything.
The concert started with Ra Ra Riot the crowd was somewhat still. We clapped a lot for them but the crowd was not too hyped for them. When Young the Giant came on stage, oh my lord the crowd went crazy. I could tell the band fed off their energy. The lead singer was dancing around stage and hitting a small drum. In one song the whole band started dancing a choreographed dance along with the music. Since me and Geek dude were in the balcony we could see a lot of weird things people were doing. When people threw up their hands to move to the beat some people were giving thumbs up. Other were just moving their hands drastically like they were having a seizure. There was a guy in the back jumping frantically. A guy with a long white beard in the opposite balcony on the edge dancing along with the music. Then the song "cough syrup" came on and I was completely taken away with the song. It was my first time hearing the song and I fell in love with it. Halfway through the song I turned to my left and the lady sitting besides me started crying with joy while her friends hugged her and cried with her. In the open floor everyone was flowing with the melody. Probably the most amazing sight I have ever seen in a concert.
After the concert ended me and Geek dude went to the open space, and there was a lot of trash on the floor. It was also very sticky, which kind of made me happy we weren't at the bottom.
We went outside shortly after and there was a shirtless guy playing drums on a few plastic buckets. Of course everyone stayed to record while Geek dude and I just enjoyed the beat.
Overall I loved the concert even if I didn't listen to the band prior to this day. I am truly thankful that Geek dude took me to this concert, a concert that I would have never dreamed of going on my own. And now Cough Syrup will stay with me for a while.
We went outside shortly after and there was a shirtless guy playing drums on a few plastic buckets. Of course everyone stayed to record while Geek dude and I just enjoyed the beat.
Overall I loved the concert even if I didn't listen to the band prior to this day. I am truly thankful that Geek dude took me to this concert, a concert that I would have never dreamed of going on my own. And now Cough Syrup will stay with me for a while.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
Pacify Her
The guy in the light blue shirt
To the guy in the light blue shirt,
I am happy see that you have found God.
I have not.
Two years ago I remember when you used to get mad easily in the small church group.
Games seemed stupid to you, teacher noticed and called you out.
I remember when you abruptly left the class.
Then we went to the retreat.
On the first day you would sit eating alone
You would walk around alone looking at the floor,
not speaking to anyone.
On the second day you were eating with another person.
You were playing soccer with the other guys
You were praying.
You were singing.
You let happiness in.
Now two years later I see you still have happiness in you
The same happiness I saw at the retreat.
The same happiness that faded for me over time.
I am trying to find long lasting happiness
So far I've only found temporary happiness.
I am happy see that you have found God.
I have not.
Two years ago I remember when you used to get mad easily in the small church group.
Games seemed stupid to you, teacher noticed and called you out.
I remember when you abruptly left the class.
Then we went to the retreat.
On the first day you would sit eating alone
You would walk around alone looking at the floor,
not speaking to anyone.
On the second day you were eating with another person.
You were playing soccer with the other guys
You were praying.
You were singing.
You let happiness in.
Now two years later I see you still have happiness in you
The same happiness I saw at the retreat.
The same happiness that faded for me over time.
I am trying to find long lasting happiness
So far I've only found temporary happiness.
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
The Seniors 9/27/16
It's only been a month of school, and I have already seen people crumble down. For different reasons, rejection, pressure, anxiety, or health. It is quite devastating to watch and try to support. Yesterday I saw one of these cases first hand.
It started in 7th period with our AP Lit teacher reading out bad things people wrote in their essays. The class of course started laughing. I on the other hand was terrified that something I wrote would end up in the list of bad thematic statements. Luckily I did not end up on that list, but someone else I knew did. I laughed a little bit just to somewhat blend in with my classmates. Yes I know it was wrong I should not encourage the laughter and embarrassment but hey I care more about blending in and not being different (Trying really hard to change that). He passed out our essays and I got a "C", Understandable. I did not read the entire book (Which is 100 Years of Solitude) and yet I still felt sad and disappointed for not trying hard enough to get a good grade. Anyways class ended and I went to my Debate social in which we had to elect our team captains. (We elected four amazing people). The social ended around 3:45 and I started talking to Bree. The person I used to have in debate class my freshman year. At first it was normal talk, we went down the staircase and she said "Hey can you go with me to AP lit teacher to return something?"
"Return something?"
"Yeah I am failing his class, might as well give back the laptop and book. I know they will pull me out, best to return the things now"
So we went to the second floor (Our school has three floors) To the AP lit Teacher. We stood there and waited and she said "Ah I don't want to go in there. Is he even there right now?" I stood on my tip toes to look through the small door window and said "Yep he's there sitting in his desk looking at his computer screen"
"I can't do this I'm too nervous I need to calm down but I don't know how"
I watched her pace around the hall when she finally said "You know what, I am going to Martinez's room" (Our AP Language teacher) "He'll know what to do about this, come with me"
We walked to his room and Bree told him what was happening and he said "Just tell him what you told me, that you have too many responsibilities to handle his class. Maybe if he gave you another chance you can pass the class with extra effort" Their conversation went on for 40 min it was 4:27 and it was my time to leave to the after school bus. I told her Good Luck and left. The next day she was still in the English class meaning my teacher gave her a second chance and I could see the feeling of relief on her face. Bree was not as tense as she has been the past few weeks. It was good, it was improvement. The same kind of improvement I saw in my sick friend's face. She no longer looked sad because of her disease, she was now happier. And He no longer was sad because of the rejection, he went back to his usual self. Their emotions are good now.
Now.
It started in 7th period with our AP Lit teacher reading out bad things people wrote in their essays. The class of course started laughing. I on the other hand was terrified that something I wrote would end up in the list of bad thematic statements. Luckily I did not end up on that list, but someone else I knew did. I laughed a little bit just to somewhat blend in with my classmates. Yes I know it was wrong I should not encourage the laughter and embarrassment but hey I care more about blending in and not being different (Trying really hard to change that). He passed out our essays and I got a "C", Understandable. I did not read the entire book (Which is 100 Years of Solitude) and yet I still felt sad and disappointed for not trying hard enough to get a good grade. Anyways class ended and I went to my Debate social in which we had to elect our team captains. (We elected four amazing people). The social ended around 3:45 and I started talking to Bree. The person I used to have in debate class my freshman year. At first it was normal talk, we went down the staircase and she said "Hey can you go with me to AP lit teacher to return something?"
"Return something?"
"Yeah I am failing his class, might as well give back the laptop and book. I know they will pull me out, best to return the things now"
So we went to the second floor (Our school has three floors) To the AP lit Teacher. We stood there and waited and she said "Ah I don't want to go in there. Is he even there right now?" I stood on my tip toes to look through the small door window and said "Yep he's there sitting in his desk looking at his computer screen"
"I can't do this I'm too nervous I need to calm down but I don't know how"
I watched her pace around the hall when she finally said "You know what, I am going to Martinez's room" (Our AP Language teacher) "He'll know what to do about this, come with me"
We walked to his room and Bree told him what was happening and he said "Just tell him what you told me, that you have too many responsibilities to handle his class. Maybe if he gave you another chance you can pass the class with extra effort" Their conversation went on for 40 min it was 4:27 and it was my time to leave to the after school bus. I told her Good Luck and left. The next day she was still in the English class meaning my teacher gave her a second chance and I could see the feeling of relief on her face. Bree was not as tense as she has been the past few weeks. It was good, it was improvement. The same kind of improvement I saw in my sick friend's face. She no longer looked sad because of her disease, she was now happier. And He no longer was sad because of the rejection, he went back to his usual self. Their emotions are good now.
Now.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Dillards 9/18/16 (Senior Year)
Me and Geek dude after watching a movie we always go to loiter around in stores> One of these stores is Dillards because they have so many things cringy we can't afford. Like for example last time we went there we saw a a pair of forks that said "I do" because they are marriage theme dishes, just UGH we both cringed so hard we left the store after seeing it. Well for a moment then we came back to buy a cliche wall hanging for Geek dude that said "Go Anywhere" He was so excited when I pointed out the wall hanging as a joke and he said "Oh my god Yes!!! That's so me" He takes my jokes seriously, sometimes.
Anyways today after watching the movie "Don't Breathe" we went to Dillards. To the same home decor section. We saw the 'newly married' plates and decorations and to our surprise a sweet old lady came to us. When I her nearing us I walked away and while I was walking away She said "aw are you guys getting married?". Geek dude said "uh um no We are just looking around" then she said "well these are the plates anyways if you guys were to get married someday, and if not there are some friendship pates over here". I could not stop laughing. Anyways Great fun date.
Anyways today after watching the movie "Don't Breathe" we went to Dillards. To the same home decor section. We saw the 'newly married' plates and decorations and to our surprise a sweet old lady came to us. When I her nearing us I walked away and while I was walking away She said "aw are you guys getting married?". Geek dude said "uh um no We are just looking around" then she said "well these are the plates anyways if you guys were to get married someday, and if not there are some friendship pates over here". I could not stop laughing. Anyways Great fun date.
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Saturday 9/3/16 (Senior Year)
Homecoming day. My boyfriend (Geek dude) asked me to the Homecoming dance on Thursday and I of course said yes. Friday as you may already know was not the best day ever for my self esteem. So when Saturday came around I was filled with anxiety that something might go wrong today.
I woke up early because I also had to volunteer for a place called Turning point (Where we cook food for the homeless). Geek dude was also here so it wasn't that bad, I had someone to talk to and my anxiety eased. Geek dude and me started helping making a potato mix (which is the bomb ah). Then I started cutting up strawberries for the strawberry cake (which also turned out SO good). An hour later we served the food and then me and geek dude and group of friends went outside to eat the leftover food. That was when Soccer player asked Geek dude "Hey are you going to homecoming today?" and then geek dude said "Yes I am. And I am going to the person sitting besides me" (I was sitting besides him and so was this other dude HAHA) So the soccer player said "Aw that's cute so did you do a cute homecoming proposal?" and me and Geek dude said "No. It was just a mutual decision". The soccer player then said "Okay Geek dude I will help you ask your girlfriend to homecoming then" . "Oh no it's really not necessar-". "Hey can I borrow a pen Ms. Castillo?" the soccer player then proceeded to get a napkin paper and wrote this-
He gave it to Geek dude then geek dude said "Okay ______ Will you go to homecoming with me even though you have already given me an answer?". So as you can see I circled Yes on the napkin. And the table went "aww" and one of our supervising teachers took a picture of it to post on the volunteering twitter page. Even though it was a joke in a way.
It was then 12:30 and we went home since we were done volunteering.
OH did I forget to mention that I was sick on this day? Boogers coming out, a bunch of coughing, massive headaches, and yet somehow I managed to pull through the service. Now it was time to try and get better for 7pm. I came home, slept, did homework, practiced violin (sort of), drank medicine. Then when 6 rolled around I started getting ready even though I had minor fever. Went to the dance at 7, geek dude wasn't there yet because of traffic so I sat in the courtyard to wait for him. Luckily The Prodigy came at the same time as I did so we both sat in the courtyard. He said he was waiting for Scorpio dude (Did I forget to mention those two are best friends?). So we started talking about the movie Batman v Superman and how he was watching it before he came here. Then I said "No way I was just listening to the movie soundtrack. I mean one song in particular, the Lex luther's theme song" and he said "OH The red capes are coming?" which to I said yes. Then we talked about movie soundtracks. Five minutes later Geek dude arrived and I said goodbye to the Prodigy kid and went inside we sat on a table started playing with a balloon that was on the floor. Soon he discovered I had a fear of balloons. More specifically I have a fear of balloons popping near me. So he spent the next hour or so trying to scare me and in return I would try to tickle him or throw the balloon back at him in which at one point hit a guy I didn't know on the back of the head. I pretended that it wasn't me who threw the balloon. The guy then threw it to the couple sitting in front of us then the whole table started throwing balloons at each other even though we didn't know each other. It was fun honestly. Then the Theater squad showed up so we went with them to hang out while John busted out some sick dance moves and The President threw some 70's dance moves to modern songs. At first Me and Geek dude did not dance due to us not being good dancers.
In the last forty minutes Geek dude told me "Okay we will dance on the next slow song" and I agreed. The slow song came on and we went to the dance floor. Which was kind of funny, him being a lot taller than me and me being the short person that I am (and I was wearing heels and I was STILL significantly shorter). He had to take small steps and I had to take big steps in order to synchronize. My arms barely reached his shoulders. So we then started laughing about this and kept saying "Ah person behind you take four steps to the right so you won't hit them". Then the song was over and a bachata song came on, so we had to move a tad bit more. Geek dude then said "OKAY from what I have seen so far is that people take two steps to the right then two steps to the left, Easy right?" "Psht yeah of course, easy". It wasn't easy. Us being the smart people that we are (he's way more smarter than me though) could not figure out how to correctly move to this song the dance looked so awkward it was hilarious, It was perfect. (ugh cringe yes I know). Then other pop songs came on and we threw out some lame lame moves, I don't even know how to describe it. A slow song came on again, we danced awkwardly like 8th graders on purpose and he kept saying lame jokes. To finish off the dance they put on the song "The time" by The black eyed peas. That's when we ran to our theater group to sing along to the lyrics of the song as loud as we could. It was the best moment hearing the whole group of people in the dance start singing ♪I had the time of my life♪ with the biggest smile on everyone's faces. It was quite vibe, I literally felt like tearing up from seeing so much joy in one room. The song then picked up pace so that's when we started jumping around and The president took this chance to create a conga line. He screamed "Get in the line WOO" and slowly we all joined in to create a big circle while somehow managing to jump and scream "Cause I am having a good time with you i'm telling you!". Geek dude turned around and yelled to me "This is so Lit ahhh" (Literally have never seen him like this before). In the end when the song started coming to an end we all ran to the middle of the circle to jump even higher and start clapping and screaming.
I am so happy I ended up going to my one and only homecoming dance. I am even happier that I got to spend that time with my friends and Geek dude. We were both nervous about being embarrassed with our bad dancing. But we both got over it and truly felt free and comfortable around each other. So Thank you!!
Sorry forgot to put in the story that we also kept throwing glitter at each other, and I found out he does the cutest face with his teeth making him look like a hamster,
Also the prodigy kept headbanging on the pop songs and in the last hour he managed to get crazy enough to wrap his tie around his head like a bandana, While Scorpio dude kept rocking out with him (Sophomores I swear are the funniest people ever).
And some of our counselors and principals started dancing with us HOW GREAT!
I woke up early because I also had to volunteer for a place called Turning point (Where we cook food for the homeless). Geek dude was also here so it wasn't that bad, I had someone to talk to and my anxiety eased. Geek dude and me started helping making a potato mix (which is the bomb ah). Then I started cutting up strawberries for the strawberry cake (which also turned out SO good). An hour later we served the food and then me and geek dude and group of friends went outside to eat the leftover food. That was when Soccer player asked Geek dude "Hey are you going to homecoming today?" and then geek dude said "Yes I am. And I am going to the person sitting besides me" (I was sitting besides him and so was this other dude HAHA) So the soccer player said "Aw that's cute so did you do a cute homecoming proposal?" and me and Geek dude said "No. It was just a mutual decision". The soccer player then said "Okay Geek dude I will help you ask your girlfriend to homecoming then" . "Oh no it's really not necessar-". "Hey can I borrow a pen Ms. Castillo?" the soccer player then proceeded to get a napkin paper and wrote this-
He gave it to Geek dude then geek dude said "Okay ______ Will you go to homecoming with me even though you have already given me an answer?". So as you can see I circled Yes on the napkin. And the table went "aww" and one of our supervising teachers took a picture of it to post on the volunteering twitter page. Even though it was a joke in a way.
It was then 12:30 and we went home since we were done volunteering.
OH did I forget to mention that I was sick on this day? Boogers coming out, a bunch of coughing, massive headaches, and yet somehow I managed to pull through the service. Now it was time to try and get better for 7pm. I came home, slept, did homework, practiced violin (sort of), drank medicine. Then when 6 rolled around I started getting ready even though I had minor fever. Went to the dance at 7, geek dude wasn't there yet because of traffic so I sat in the courtyard to wait for him. Luckily The Prodigy came at the same time as I did so we both sat in the courtyard. He said he was waiting for Scorpio dude (Did I forget to mention those two are best friends?). So we started talking about the movie Batman v Superman and how he was watching it before he came here. Then I said "No way I was just listening to the movie soundtrack. I mean one song in particular, the Lex luther's theme song" and he said "OH The red capes are coming?" which to I said yes. Then we talked about movie soundtracks. Five minutes later Geek dude arrived and I said goodbye to the Prodigy kid and went inside we sat on a table started playing with a balloon that was on the floor. Soon he discovered I had a fear of balloons. More specifically I have a fear of balloons popping near me. So he spent the next hour or so trying to scare me and in return I would try to tickle him or throw the balloon back at him in which at one point hit a guy I didn't know on the back of the head. I pretended that it wasn't me who threw the balloon. The guy then threw it to the couple sitting in front of us then the whole table started throwing balloons at each other even though we didn't know each other. It was fun honestly. Then the Theater squad showed up so we went with them to hang out while John busted out some sick dance moves and The President threw some 70's dance moves to modern songs. At first Me and Geek dude did not dance due to us not being good dancers.
In the last forty minutes Geek dude told me "Okay we will dance on the next slow song" and I agreed. The slow song came on and we went to the dance floor. Which was kind of funny, him being a lot taller than me and me being the short person that I am (and I was wearing heels and I was STILL significantly shorter). He had to take small steps and I had to take big steps in order to synchronize. My arms barely reached his shoulders. So we then started laughing about this and kept saying "Ah person behind you take four steps to the right so you won't hit them". Then the song was over and a bachata song came on, so we had to move a tad bit more. Geek dude then said "OKAY from what I have seen so far is that people take two steps to the right then two steps to the left, Easy right?" "Psht yeah of course, easy". It wasn't easy. Us being the smart people that we are (he's way more smarter than me though) could not figure out how to correctly move to this song the dance looked so awkward it was hilarious, It was perfect. (ugh cringe yes I know). Then other pop songs came on and we threw out some lame lame moves, I don't even know how to describe it. A slow song came on again, we danced awkwardly like 8th graders on purpose and he kept saying lame jokes. To finish off the dance they put on the song "The time" by The black eyed peas. That's when we ran to our theater group to sing along to the lyrics of the song as loud as we could. It was the best moment hearing the whole group of people in the dance start singing ♪I had the time of my life♪ with the biggest smile on everyone's faces. It was quite vibe, I literally felt like tearing up from seeing so much joy in one room. The song then picked up pace so that's when we started jumping around and The president took this chance to create a conga line. He screamed "Get in the line WOO" and slowly we all joined in to create a big circle while somehow managing to jump and scream "Cause I am having a good time with you i'm telling you!". Geek dude turned around and yelled to me "This is so Lit ahhh" (Literally have never seen him like this before). In the end when the song started coming to an end we all ran to the middle of the circle to jump even higher and start clapping and screaming.
I am so happy I ended up going to my one and only homecoming dance. I am even happier that I got to spend that time with my friends and Geek dude. We were both nervous about being embarrassed with our bad dancing. But we both got over it and truly felt free and comfortable around each other. So Thank you!!
Sorry forgot to put in the story that we also kept throwing glitter at each other, and I found out he does the cutest face with his teeth making him look like a hamster,
Also the prodigy kept headbanging on the pop songs and in the last hour he managed to get crazy enough to wrap his tie around his head like a bandana, While Scorpio dude kept rocking out with him (Sophomores I swear are the funniest people ever).
And some of our counselors and principals started dancing with us HOW GREAT!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)