I was thinking about making an Ac| post but I wasn't too sure. I loved the memory of that weekend and I really do want to write about it, but I think it might have to be for my journal. No, but the thing that did motivate me to write was seeing a pic of person I like with someone else. There's no denying they're seeing someone. As soon as i saw it I felt a cold chill. I am still at work, I am still trying my hardest to not cry lol. It shouldn't be that serious especially because yeah we were never together and I never shared what I felt for them. But yeah I kind of wish I didn't react as intensely for something this simple. I feel like I am disconnecting from my body, and I still feel the coldness. I can't wait until I get back home and let everything out. The only comforting about this is that I know it's over. I don't have to speculate. My mind can't run with theories or "what ifs" at least I am free of that loop. Liking someone like this always makes me feel anxious, It feels like I can't take a breath, it feels like there's an endless pit in my stomach, and it feels like my mind can't stop spitting out self deprecating thoughts.
I wish I was different, I wish I allowed myself to connect with others in the way that I crave. I don't think I am ready though, I'm not sure if that will ever be a reality for me.
idk this is just a sad post of me feeling sorry for myself lmao. I will probably feel better tomorrow.
