Pacify Her

For the past month I have been listening to Melanie Martinez, her music really speaks to me. It is something I can truly relate to. For the past week I have been listening to "Pacify Her". Today I realized I feel the same way she does. 'Jealousy' has never been a good thing for me. I don't get jealous, I get sad instead. When I see someone that is better than me in every way, I start crying (Cry baby too!). I know that the blue boy is with me, but I can't help but feel that they don't care for me the same way they used to. Maybe their love for me is fading, maybe they are tired of me. That is what makes me sad when I see them close. This is something I need to work on. I need to learn how to not become obsessive over these small things.

The guy in the light blue shirt

To the guy in the light blue shirt,
I am happy see that you have found God.
I have not.
Two years ago I remember when you used to get mad easily in the small church group.
Games seemed stupid to you, teacher noticed and called you out.
I remember when you abruptly left the class.
Then we went to the retreat.

On the first day you would sit eating alone
You would walk around alone looking at the floor,
not speaking to anyone.

On the second day you were eating with another person.
You were playing soccer with the other guys
You were praying.
You were singing.
You let happiness in.

Now two years later I see you still have happiness in you
The same happiness I saw at the retreat.
The same happiness that faded for me over time.
I am trying to find long lasting happiness
So far I've only found temporary happiness.